I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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