Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
