After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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