i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize