you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
