this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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