Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize