if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
