Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
