Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
