Sry I called you an 8
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
