I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
