Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
