Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
