hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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