Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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