I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
