you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
