i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
