I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
