How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
