I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
