I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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