So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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