Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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