somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
