Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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