You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
