That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
