Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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