Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
