rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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