there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
