i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
