We're facebook friends in real life
I have demons in me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
