the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
