Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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