Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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