Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
