Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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