Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
PANTIES FOUND
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