The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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