The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
