He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
