omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
