Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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