If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
