i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
