My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
