Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
