I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
