i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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