Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
