I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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