GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You can't special order awesome
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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