I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
