She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
