I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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