last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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