Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
did you just send me my own nude
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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