So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
