A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
