How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
