Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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