I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
