Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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