I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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