Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
